The Fundamental Approach to Choosing Love

Fundamentals is a financial term that refers to the process of choosing stocks in which to invest. A stock investor who engages in fundamental analysis looks closely at the company before making a decision and bases his decision on the fundamentals – the profit and loss statement, the financial analysis, the market for the product and other factors that influence a company’s success and profitability. It’s an accepted – if not the most accepted – way to choose stocks for a portfolio. Doesn’t it make sense to apply the same approach to choosing the partners in our love relationships?

It may seem cold-blooded to analyze the chances of relationships succeeding in the same way we do analyzing the chances of an investment making money, but stop and think for a moment. When you choose a life partner, aren’t you making the most important investment of all – yourself, your emotions and your life? It only makes sense to evaluate your relationship and its possibilities before making a major commitment. The difference is that instead of evaluating financial statements, marketing analyses and cash on hand, you’ll be evaluating your emotional state and the fundamentals of love.

Respect

Before you can begin to love, you must respect yourself and others. Every relationship in the world revolves around the respect the partners have for each other. When you respect someone, you listen to them. You take their feelings and their time and their contributions into account. You work to gain their respect in return. If you lack respect, you have only a hollow shell of a relationship.

Trust

Do you trust your partner? A true love relationship must be based in mutual trust if it is to succeed. When your partner says she is with her friends, do you wonder if she’s telling you the truth?  When he says that he’ll be there on Saturday, do you know that he will be there without fail? If you can’t trust in those simple things, how can you even think of trusting that person to raise your children and be there for you as a partner for the rest of your life?

Honesty

Honesty is a fundamental building stone of all relationships. No love can survive lies, nor can it survive the oblique dishonesty of non-disclosure. Loving relationships are open and honest, and that requires knowing yourself well enough to share who you are with your partner. If you feel you must hide aspects of yourself behind silence or lie about them openly, love can’t exist.

Faith

Faith builds on respect, trust and honesty. Like the other fundamentals of love, it works in two directions. If you have faith in your relationship and your partner, you know that your love will stand strong through tests. You know that no matter what the world throws at you, you will stand against it together. You don’t fear that your partner will walk away if you lose your job or fall upon a misfortune. You believe with all of your heart that you will be together forever, through this life and into the next.

When you analyze the fundamentals of love, you can work toward improving each of them and building a long and lasting relationship that will be the centerpiece of your life.

Building a Healthy Environment for Love to Grow

The work of building a healthy relationship may seem difficult, but if you’re looking for a fulfilling, loving partnership that lasts for a lifetime, it’s work that’s important to do. A healthy relationship fosters love. Unhealthy relationships foster dependence, resentment and obsession. Everyone deserves to be loved and to live in a happy and safe relationship. If your relationships aren’t comfortable or you think that your relationship is unhealthy, there are ways that you can heal your relationships and build a healthy environment where love can grow.

The Qualities of a Healthy Relationship

A healthy relationship is a happy one. It has four basic qualities – respect, honesty, trust and faith. Out of those qualities, other good qualities grow – fairness, good communication and love. No relationship is perfect, and even healthy relationships sometimes go through unhealthy moments. Recognizing the cornerstones of healthy relationships can help you identify any areas in your relationship that need work so that you can work together to establish an environment in which love can flourish.

Respect

A healthy relationship is based on shared respect for each other. Respect shows itself in many ways. When you respect someone, you are proud of them. You accept and like them for who they are, and you listen to and value their ideas and opinions. The opposite of respect is contempt. It’s nearly impossible to truly love someone for whom you feel contempt.

If you feel that your partner is proud of you, supports you emotionally and listens to you, there is probably respect in your relationship.

Honesty and Trust

Honesty and trust are dependent upon one another. People build trust in a relationship by being honest with each other. Honesty goes further than not telling lies – it includes being open and sharing who you are with your partner. Likewise, trust goes further than believing that your partner will not lie to you. When you trust your partner, you know that you can count on them. You know that you can share your thoughts and feelings with that person without fear of ridicule. In a healthy relationship, you can feel safe telling the truth even when it’s difficult and painful.

Faith

Shared faith is a vital part of a healthy relationship. For some, this means believing in the same God. For others, it means holding shared beliefs that power your life and drive your actions. It means believing without question that you and your partner have the same aims and are working toward the same goals, with a shared set of principles. When you share your faith with each other, you are building your relationships on a strong foundation that will hold you up during times of trouble.

Building love in your relationships depends upon cultivating those four qualities and working with your partner – and within yourself – to be a person who respects, trusts and has faith, and who is worthy of respect, trust and faith in return.